In the End

I really cannot stand this place sometimes. This island has sucked away so much life from me- I can barely recognize myself from the person I once was. I'm barely ever happy anymore. I have to force a smile on my face when confronting anyone. I try to be a joker and most of the time, I slip into a sardonic mood without realizing it. Although I'm looking for company, I cannot stand the people I am with sometimes. I want to be alone afterwords- to sleep away the days and exist only within my dreams.

And yet I wake up and continue my life, filled with false faces and sarcastic smiles. The amount of lies that I emanate is astounding and yet in the end, I manage to fool myself by becoming this person who I am not. I've become content to simply lay dormant in the dark, alone and full of the same repeating thoughts that refuse to disappear. Its a torment, to count down each individual day until it's time to move on and never turn back around.

I get these urges to just run away to a place where I know absolutely no one and simply start all over. I keep hoping that I'll change; that maybe I can get things right this time around and nobody will know. I want to leave my past behind- perhaps abandon it entirely. Of course, I cannot do that. Here's hoping that Korea will be a good change of both scenery and character.

Tomorrow will just be another say. Same as the last. Same as the next.