Veteran's Day

  Today is Veteran's Day.  As I finish working the night shift, I silently walk back to my dorm in the darkness of the morning.  It's raining slightly and I can't help but feel as if this weather fits my mood perfectly.  Checking my facebook, I notice that a large portion of my military associates have changed their profile picture to show them in uniform and I reflect upon my own employment in the military.

I don't have any appreciation for what I do.  I just finished working a twelve hour shift where I did absolutely nothing but watched Game of Thrones and Football on television while bullshitting with anyone else that was there.  This is what my life in the military has come down to, sitting around and doing nothing for half the day while the other half is wasted on sleep.  I can't help but think of what everyone else is doing in their careers and what differences they've made for others and themselves.

I don't like it when people say 'Thanks for serving' or want to shake my hand in the airport when they see me in uniform.  It's been five years and the majority of it feels wasted.  I feel ashamed to be thanked while there are people out there who are dying and sacrificing their lives.  I try not to associate myself with the military when I'm off duty but it's nearly impossible, here in Korea.  I don't like talking about my job.  I have absolutely nothing to brag about. 


While others will be posting pictures of themselves in uniform, I'll be making plans to reenlist for four years.  I didn't know why I joined in the first place.   To make a difference?  To serve?  To be greater than I was?  I'm just as confused now as I was then.  I just want to survive.  I'm done with the whole esprit de corps or brotherhood aspect of the military.  It's never worked for me and I don't need it.  I'm going to dedicate these last years towards a better life for myself.  I will be attending classes and improving my own abilities, not dedicating my life towards a bullshit cause or to support my fellow work center associates.

Everything you see in modern movies about the military is bullshit.  For me, it's become a typical job.  I'll continue to type away at a computer and follow orders, but I've gained nothing for going above and beyond, not even a better understanding of myself, except for the fact that I've been naive and easy going for far too long. 

So thanks to all those who've served for a reason and accomplished something.  Everyone else... well, keep posting those facebook pictures for the attention.  I hate that website more each day.