As the incredibly deep quote from Salinger goes, “I'd Pretend I Was One Of Those Deaf-Mutes.". I think I would prefer that, to just not hear anyone or talk to them. I get along with everyone and do my best to never stir any pots or engage in drama, but I feel as if it's middle school all over again with how terrible people talk about each other, whether its jokingly or not.
I admit, I have my vices and sometimes engage in these conversations. As I like to say, "Gossip makes the world go round." I do it without too much thought though, and before I realize it, I've said something incredibly stupid or demeaning. I'd rather not talk at all and just keep to myself, as I had in the past, at my previous base. I'd actually come to work, angry about something or someone, take the farthest computer, and just quietly do my work and brood away without anyone bothering me.
However, I'd rather not make that sort of impression here. I want to get along with everyone and make a good example of myself, but I don't want to fall into this net of petty drama that I see everyday. The best thing I can do is just keep to myself, shrug off the commentary, and refuse to play any of the silly games that the group engages in, to keep themselves occupied.
They aren't bad people. I just can't help but feel like an outsider though. I'll just accept myself as one, and mind my own business. Talk less, think more.
In other news, I need to decide on re-enlisting or getting out real soon. The deadline is approaching soon and unless I want to be stuck here in Korea for longer than a year, I need to make a choice. I still don't know what I want to do. I've been frozen in the fog for years now with no clue as to what to make of my future. I'm leaning towards reenlistment. Four more years, a steady bonus, a possible chance at Germany again, or even England. Otherwise, I'll just choose Maryland or maybe Florida. I've even been thinking Hawaii. It... isn't a bad place. I just made it terrible with my attitude. I'd like to think I'm changing and having a better outlook at life, but I still need to apply that to action and embrace change.
At least I'm looking up instead of down, finally.
I thought what I’d do was, I’d pretend I was one of those deaf-mutes.? That way I wouldn’t have to have any goddam stupid useless conversations with anybody.? If anybody wanted to tell me something they’d have to write it on a piece of paper and shove it over to me.? They’d get bored as hell doing that after a while, and then I’d be through with having conversations for the rest of my life.? -Holden Caulfield, The Catcher in the Rye; J.D. Salinger
